I heard this phrase about time blindness, like time short-sightedness
I definitely understand that, I have a lot of problem with picturing and processing time, and my job involves a lot of long term planning, but it's so abstract and intangible. i think that must be the same for everyone, becuase it's such a hard concept
but it feels really fanciful when i am planning anything more than two weeks away, as if it doesn't exist or i wont exist then. and it's usually two weeks becuase that's my schedule, and that can feel so long.
but the most important time I feel that is when you block me or you hang up on me or we aren't talking. what's the opposite of a crash-zoom in films. i feel like that, like suddenly and dramatically the frame becomes so big and huge and i feel so small and my concept and ability of time is ripped away. I don't know how to explain that in those moments. it feels like my perception slows down so much, like when you're waiting for bad news, or you're poorly, or you're a kid hoping not to get picked on by the teacher.
it feels like my stomach drops out and i just want to cry. it gradually comes back, but it's so abrupt and dramatic sometimes and I can't shift out of that mode, without rest and change and telling myself over an over, it's okay and i am okay.
oh an hour at a time, and if that's too much, 10 minutes at a time. i have to concentrate on it so much and i don't know how to do that sometimes, most of the time, most of those times.
What makes it worse is that i can't picture how long it will be - especially when you block me. It could be, a couple minutes, or hours. It could be a couple months. I want to believe and trust that won't happen but it has done so many times and it is feeding into this and i can't discern the rational from the emotional, and it's frustrating.
and so i become rapidly short sighted like i just took my glasses off and it takes a while for my eyes to adjust and become less blurry but right now i can't see anything