a lot of times i think, i can't be one of those people that know themselves, that can define their identity in that way. I must be normal, I'm just struggling to deal with it. Sure, there's something wrong with me, but it's not something diagnosable, it's not something I can fix, it's not something out of the ordinary. Most people feel like that. It's just that I don't have a good ability to cope, or that I somehow think I'm different. And I'm not. Everyone goes through this, and they all handle it better. It like, I am just straight and normal and basic - I just struggle to deal with it and that's on me. I don't meet the threshold for anything
Do you know ED-NOS. I had that as a diagnosis, once. It doens't meet the threshold for anything specific. We know this isn't 'normal', but it doesn't meet the threshold to be something else. It's not something we can help with. You're on your own, and this is your fault.
I guess I've carried that with me for 20 years, though we've all had that experience of not being quite depressed enough to get help
I don't know how to be kinder to myself and more accepting. I don't know how to be someone who is confident with aspects of their identity that sit outside of the mainstream. I don't know how to say: I AM VERY...
then i try to remind myself, only 2% of people have green eyes, and i have green eyes, and i've never thought that was anything unusual or out of the ordinary, and i used to hate it and want something different, til someone told me they were beautiful and wrote a song about it (4 minutes of awkward eye contact, they weren't even my partner)
But I don't feel like that is something I have to prove to other people, it's right there, everyone can see that. So why do I feel like I have to prove the other stuff, and who do I have to prove it to? Why do I feel like I'm pretending about everything else and who am I pretending to, who do I have to prove it to.