clothes



I don't like it when bits of my body are touching 

I dont like it when i can feel my breasts on my chest or my fat rolls touching each other. I dont like not wearing knickers or bras, even if it feels uncomfy, and it does. i dont mind so much my thighs touching, though I usually avoid it. I don't like feeling the air between my clothes and body, i need to wear a tight layer underneath. and if i forget it ruins my day. But I don't like tight clothes or fabrics that dont stretch

i dont like anything that shows my boobs too much, or shirts or jackets that are tight over them. i don't like things tight on the shoulders or across the chest. i hate suits so much. I think it wouldnt be the same if it was flat but its not. i like sports bras at the moment. I dont show my arms but i am changing that. you are not free until your arms are free

i dont mind my waist or hips or thighs. i don't mind my lower belly, though almost everyone thinks i should. it's always been there so i don't feel ashamed, though i have to work hard to think that. 

i sometimes feel weird in my body and feel very alienated and weird and like im not in control of it. certain clothing really emphasises that, event though a lot of it feels 'comfortable' in other ways, or low effort. 

Recently, in the last year or so, i have become more aware of this, of how there's only a few fabrics i like, or shapes or items that feel really 'neutral' in their impact on me. It's very complicated, I guess I've recognised it more as I've refined the types of fabric and shapes. 

I also have grudges. If something bad happened in a an item of clothing I really won't want to wear it again. I won't even want to wear that pattern or shape or something even similar.