Sometimes my face is blank and people have told me that it was terrifying. piper used to say it was like someone else took over in that moment and that I switched and there was a long time when it was blank or i wasn't responding and that was worse than what came after (sometimes nothing did) or that i wasn't expressing the right emotion in the moment, like I wasn't responding in the correct way
I always found that one quite hard because for me, it felt like I was doing the right emotion at the right time. I guess i just forgot to tell my face. Or maybe it would be like I am feeling everything at once all the time, and somehow it hadn't got to my face. Or I would be frowning too much. The frowing is also a problem to other people.
As I've got older, I've felt like there's more blank time, and less expressions of too much, too much all at once. There's not so much of that. That's usually anger anyway, because it's the easiest to 'do', it's been rebranded as not an emotion anyway, but an action. Sometimes, long times ago, when I was on antidepressants, it was hard to know how to 'do' anything other than anger. everything else just felt blank anyway. I dont feel upset by the blank time though, it feels very comforting really.
But I remember not doing 'happy' well enough, or 'excited', it was always "why do you look so worried" even when I felt happy or i just felt normal. So for a time in my teens and twenties I would act over the top - like, I'm so happy and hyper and quirky, because people were more responsive to that. I exaggerated it because they like it like that. I guess that's why I can do the customer service because it's play acting.
but then sometimes i roll my eyes and that's not always intentional and oh they really fuckin hate that